Monday, December 13, 2010
My Apathy - why I cannot help others out for a little while
This semester has been really rough on my physically (I haven't been working out so I've been sick a couple times), emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. I have grown so apathetic this semester because I see the issues and it's not that I don't see a need for change, it's not that I believe in the change that is needed....I just haven't cared enough to join in the change. For example, my spiritual apathy...I believe in God, I believe Jesus rose from the dead, I believe Jesus is the ONLY way....but when it comes down to it, I just haven't cared enough to live a life of faith. I know I have fooled many people in this, though it was not my intention of deception but rather I did not want anyone disappointed in me for lacking anything but I believe what most people want is not a mask of lies but a face of truth...so here it is. I nearly lost my faith this semester, not because of a lack of faith, not because a lack of facts....but because of a lack of care, I just did not want to continue in my Christian walk and contemplated on tossing in the towel several times....but I have come to a conclusion the other day...I am NOT going to toss in the towel, but rather I am going to cut back on helping people, just at least until I have the callous cut away from my heart and that I may be able to help others out with a heart that cares rather than just a brain that knows.